We Are...Terrified

We Are… Series #1

When I was a junior at Penn State University I lived in an apartment with my good friend Blake and 2 completely random guys assigned to the same apartment by the management of the apartment complex.  The guy’s names were Chris and Jeff; both were engineering majors and seniors at Penn State.  In the beginning they seemed cool and the first few weeks went well considering that I was living with people I had just met.  However, a month into the fall semester an event transpired that would come to prove that at least one of my new roommates was not cool after all.  The apartment was set up like the diagram below depicts.  I was in bedroom A, Jeff was in B, Blake C and Chris D.  Each of us had our own bedroom and shared a bathroom with another person.

It was a Wednesday night and it was Jeff’s 22^nd birthday.  He and Chris decided that they would head to downtown State College to celebrate by throwing a couple back. By a couple I mean quite a few.  By quite a few I mean a lot.  They left our apartment around 10:00pm, roughly the same time I was preparing to go to sleep.  I had an exam the next day and wanted to get a good nights rest.  I shut my bedroom door, turned off the light, got into bed, and promptly drifted off to sleep.  I wasn’t asleep long when I was awoken by a loud crash. Snapping wide awake, my eyes strained through the darkness to see the source of all the commotion.  I saw a dark figure standing in my doorway and noticed that my door had been violently thrown open so that it slammed against my closet door.  I was paralyzed with fear.  I must have looked pathetic lying in bed, covers pulled up to my chin, waiting motionless.  The shadow began to come towards me and then I realized that it was my roommate Jeff.  At this point I became less scared and more angry.  Was he coming in to steal my things? Did he always invite himself into my room when I was sleeping? 

I decided to lay in wait to see if I could catch him commit a crime.  He first wandered over to my desk, then to my dresser; talking to himself the whole time.  Eventually, he made his way to my closet and was looking at something on my top shelf.  His next action was so swift that I didn’t have a chance to stop him but do I ever wish I had.  In one fell swoop he lost interest with the top of my closet and looked down.  It was at that point I heard the sound: zippppp!  A second later I heard another sound.  The sound of water running but this wasn’t water….

Simultaneously outraged and more terrified then ever I sat up in bed and yelled at him.  This was folly and before I knew it I heard the post wiz zip and saw Jeff turning around.  He stared at me but seemed to see right through me.  I then in a not so kind voice shouted, “Jeff, do you know what you just did?!” Snapping out of his stupor he looked at me and got a big grin.  He then took two steps towards my bed and said, “Scoot over, I’m coming in.” It was at this point that any fear remaining in me dissipated.  “NO YOU’RE NOT!!!”  I screamed and proceeded to jump out of bed and forcibly guide/push Jeff out of my room.  Getting him into our conjoined bathroom I pointed to his bed room and told him to go.  He spotted his bed, smiled that drunken grin, and ran into his own room.  After which I promptly closed his door. 

Realizing that I would have to see to the urine in my closed I turned on the lights to my bedroom.  Cautiously, I peered in the closet and to my great delight (as delighted as one can be when there is wee in his closet) saw that he had managed to expel all his fluids perfectly into one of my duffle bags.  Removing the bag I assembled my meager cleaning arsenal and went to work.  I drained, toweled, and sprayed until I was satisfied, and then deposited the whole thing in the washing machine for good measure.  Exhausted, I went back to sleep being sure to lock my door.  In the morning, I confronted Jeff about the incident and…..he informed me that I made the whole event up and that it never took place.  I was irate.  He didn’t even have the courtesy to apologize for maybe doing it.  To make matters worse Blake and Chris were not sure who to believe.  I felt high and dry.  Then a few weeks later Chris and Jeff went out a second time.  This time Chris stayed sober and followed Jeff after they got home. To his astonishment Jeff went straight to my room and preceded to try and breakdown the door shouting, “Why is the bathroom locked?”  Chris directed Jeff to the proper facilities and the next time we saw one another he proceeded to apologize for having ever doubted me.  So the moral of the story? …When someone pees in your closet save the evidence!